A Guide to Handling Conflict before the Appreciation Month

How often do you fight with your partner?

Couples always experience conflict. In a relationship, you cannot avoid the differences in opinion, perspective and values.

While conflicts are normal, they are a source of stress. If you don’t manage your stress, you can develop physical and mental health conditions such as depression, burnout, and anxiety. Oftentimes, when conflicts become too much to handle, the bond formed between people can be damaged.

This April is National Couple Appreciation Month. Wouldn’t you want to celebrate this happily instead of fighting over the same issues again and again?

Flip to a different page from your relationship book and move forward. Appreciation Month is a great opportunity not just to bring back the happiness that was once lost, but to move on to a deeper level with your partner.

The way you solve your disagreements matters. Here are some suggestions to help make patching up easier:

Don’t go to sleep without saying sorry

Resolve the fight as quickly as you can. Don’t let your angry feelings last the night.

Most couples find this very difficult to do. They end up not talking to each other for days, even weeks and months

If you make up before you go to bed, you allow no grudges to fester.

Make this a practice, and you’ll last very long together.

Have the Right Timing

Don’t discuss disagreements or solve problems when you and your partner are exhausted, not feeling well, or upset.

Make sure you’re both in the correct physical and mental frame to get the work done. Never try to solve things in the heat of the moment. You will only get more frustrated.

Determine the root cause

Have you noticed that the biggest fights always happen over the smallest things? That’s because those small things aren’t the real issue.

When problems and issues pile up, deciding what to address first becomes impossible.

There are also times when these issues are by-products of another problem. Many times people focus on the surface of the problem, not the root cause of it.

Take a step back and ask your partner if there’s something more serious that needs to be addressed. This will almost certainly improve the situation.

Maintain your cool

Try to be calm. If all you do is insult and berate your partner, there is no way your fight will end pleasantly. Be as reasonable and patient as you can if you want to fix the issue at hand.

Be mindful of how you are feeling as you speak with your partner. Stop and take a break if you’re tensing up, your voice may become louder, or your tone more harsh.

Calling your partner names, yelling at them, threatening them, and speaking in a sarcastic tone of voice are not only rude, but they also prevent effective communication.

Focus on the issue at hand

Don’t bring up past issues, especially those that have already been settled. Most couples do this when they fight, and it never helps.

Resist the temptation to throw your partner’s past sins in her face.

Compromise

So you’re finally ready to call it a truce and propose a way to solve the issue. Consider moving to a “we” strategy, instead of “I.” Try to meet in the middle to arrive at the most desirable option.

Find a solution that works for you both. Sure, you’ll have to deal with a bit of hurt pride, but so will your partner.

Pick your battles

Some things just aren’t worth fighting about, even if they drive you insane. So take a deep breath instead.

Fighting about where to eat dinner or what movie to watch isn’t something you should waste your energy on. You can be better than that.

Revisit the past

Sometimes couples lose sight of what they saw in each other when they first met. Instead, they become engrossed in constant fighting, arguments, and confrontations.

Here are some questions you can ask your partner:

• What made you fall in love with me?

• How did you find your first year in the relationship with me?

• Were things any better back then?

• Is everything better now?

Revisiting is an excellent way to remind yourself and your partner of what you like about each other and why you choose each other in the first place.

Relationship Check

When we don’t check on our health, we won’t know if we are really sick or not. This is the same with relationships.

Without a relationship check up, we don’t know if we are doing the right thing or not. And when we opt to use this, we can minimize or avoid unnecessary conflicts.

It is better to learn to check your relationship every now and then.

You can ask questions such as:

• What works in the relationship, and should we keep doing it?

• What are the things that aren’t working in the relationship?

• What seems to be okay and could still be improved?

• What are the things that we aren’t doing that we should be doing?

Resolution before appreciation

Conflict is unavoidable and ultimately part of a strong relationship. It helps create healthy boundaries in the relationship. It will make you feel better about both your partner and yourself.

You must learn how to recognize conflict and work through it in a healthy way. It will help strengthen the relationship. Learn and practice your conflict resolution skills on a regular basis.

Be kinder to each other, respect each other, love each other, and accept that it is okay to agree to disagree. This way, when you fight, you hurt each other less.

After handling and resolving your disagreements, appreciation month celebration is next.

Couple Appreciation month will be so much more meaningful once you resolve all of your personal issues with your partner.

Since you are now free from the heaviness of your heart, it is time for you to enjoy and rekindle the love between you two. It is high time to make up for the lost time and find ways to love each other better and harder.

You don’t need to make the celebration a perfect one, what matters is you get to bond with each other after dealing with your differences.