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Avoid Bringing Up Your Past While Dating Foreign Women
Learn why talking about exes early on is a red flag for foreign women.
When it comes dating, everyone has their own histories. But as much as you want to be honest to your new sweetheart at the outset, bringing up the past isn’t a wise move. The early part of dating is supposed to be lighthearted and obviously not meant for rubbing off your bitterness.
While you’re getting to know your date, you might be tempted to mention your ex, but hold your horses. There’s a right time for everything, including revealing your exes. The first date (nor the second or third) is not the right time to do so.
Here are why avoiding discussions about your previous relationships is very crucial, especially when you’re dating foreign women:
Implies that you haven’t moved on
If there’s one assumption your date will immediately conclude about you when you keep talking about your ex, it’s that you still haven’t gotten over your previous partner yet. Fact is, it’s always a matter of time before anyone can move on from their past lovers. For her, the very probable reason you may have joined dating sites for singles is to look for rebound, and she was your choice.
Even if you didn’t talk much about your ex, the fact that you brought her up on the date means that you’re still thinking about her. Women wouldn’t ever want to get involved with a guy whose still hung up on his ex-girlfriend.
Your issues are yours alone
In the early stage of dating, you ought to put your best foot forward—not become that guy who keeps ranting about his past relationship. As harsh as it may sound, your past relationship issues are yours to deal with, except when you’ve already gotten that far in dating a foreign woman. For now, figuring out those issues is all yours for the taking.
Do not expect that your date will be able to help you fix your problems. In fact, she may not choose to or be capable of it. Anyways, it’s unfair to burden her with your past problems early one.
It meddles with your new relationship
This is exactly why you need to let your heart heal before signing up on the best free dating site for serious relationships to find potential foreign partners or meet up local women for dates. When you keep on talking to her about your ex instead of knowing her better, it will definitely be one of the red flags to her.
She wants to know about you, of course, and not the person you have been with.
You’re setting yourself up for failure
If anything, it makes you look petty. If you can’t help but talk about your exes, she can’t help but think that she soon will end up as another ex-girlfriend, too. She’ll also get the idea that you’d badmouth her to the next woman you go on a date with.
How You’re Talking About It the Wrong Way
If you really just want to vent, you have your family and friends for that. With that said, better find something else to talk about. And better catch yourself when you start talking about the past.
Here are just some ways you can slip and talk about your exes in the worst possible way":
Being vague about your breakup
Since you started talking or asking her about it, you will most likely get to the point of divulging about how your previous relationship ended. In fact, it will now be your obligation to make it clear to her. Starting the topic but then avoiding or withholding it, you’ve just got yourself a losing card with the girl you met from some legitimate international dating sites.
You’re comparing her to your ex
Honestly, why would you? No one ever wants to be compared both directly or indirectly. Knowing her barely via international dating doesn’t mean you can get away with just anything. You’re supposed to get to know and respect her for who she is-—not look for any differences or similarities she has with your past lover.
You sound nostalgic about your past beau
When your date does something that reminds you of your ex, you might accidentally say something like, “She was good at this," or “I miss how she does this and that." Don’t think your new date will not pick up on that.
Should your new date ask about your past, you suddenly become quiet
People can glean a lot from what you don’t say. When you keep quiet or suddenly change topic at the mention of past relationships, What’s unsaid will reveal itself, especially if you suddenly become uncomfortable, over critical, or emotional when responding to it—even by just hearing your ex’s name.
Blaming your ex for the breakup
It just means you’re taking no responsibilities in it. Speaking negatively about your ex speaks negative about you, too. One way you may be doing that is playing the victim.
How to Avoid Talking About Exes
It’s also possible that it is your date who brings up past relationships. In that case, don’t be afraid to initiate a productive and positive conversation around it. However, if you’re really just used to being very vocal about everything, here are some self-evaluating questions to help you decide whether you should open up or not.
Have you had enough time to move on from your past relationship to be ready to talk about your ex, or even to know if it’s the right time to get back to dating again?
Do you need to actually broaden your horizons so you can have more to bring to the conversation than just your former relationship?
Are you making your new date uncomfortable or misleading her by talking about your ex?
When It’s Right to Talk About Former Relationships
If you got those self-evaluating questions above sorted out, then great! Your past made you who you are, so it's just right to talk about it. But remember to play it on the safe side.
You don’t actually have to share everything to your new potential partner among foreign women. When you know that you’ve been dating long enough and that your love for her now leads you to openness, honesty, and confidence in revealing yourself, only then can you ask about each other’s past.
